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STORY & INTERVIEW W/ THE MYSTERIOUS PETER BD
IF YOU HAVEN’T ‘HEARD’, PETER BD IS A MYSTERIOUS ENTITY WHO EMAILS PPL W/ BIZARRE STORIES ABOUT THE PERSON RECEIVING THE EMAIL.
HE HAS AN EBOOK W/ NAP.
THE STORIES RARELY HAVE ‘FACTS’ IN THEM BUT INSTEAD HAVE ABSURD / COMIC STRETCHES OF UNREASON.
PETER BD SENT ME ONE OF THESE EMAILS A FEW DAYS AGO, SO I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO DO AN INTERVIEW.
HERE IS THE STORY // INTERVIEW
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i.
matthew sherling is the president of the united states. he ran as an independent and everyone thinks he’s the best president of all time.
matthew sherling does important things as the president of the united states. one of the things he does is make sure the american public is rich as hell. 99% of americans are rich as hell and this is because matthew sherling is a bomb ass president. the 1% who are not rich didn’t listen to the president’s teachings. these people have been banished to outer space.
matthew sherling has a high approval rating across the board. whenever he walks into a room, people give him standing ovations and cheer. those who do not cheer at the top of their lungs or clap with intense fervor receive a slap in the face from president sherling. he’s the president so he doesn’t get reprimanded for this. matthew sherling is the muthafucin president of these here united states. he has 9 wives. he made polygamy legal. he’s the only one that’s allowed to practice polygamy in the united states. he made this an amendment. he sentenced 10,000 people into solitary confinement for the rest of their lives. these people pissed matthew sherling off and, in his eyes, deserved these fair sentences. he legalized all drugs, extended his presidency to 50 years and canceled every t.v. show he thought was lame. he is our president and we love him.
ii.
‘matthew sherling has the voice of an angel’ said everybody.
iii.life is so confusing. nothing in life makes sense and it sucks. where do we go when we die? why are we here? is kim kardashian a fembot?
so many questions, so little time. it’s cool that matthew sherling exists. when shit on earth gets chaotic, humans can breath a little easier knowing that matthew is somewhere doing his matthew thing. he’s alive right now, we’re alive right now, nothing makes fucking sense and that’s ok. that is, as long as matthew doesn’t die. if matthew ever dies then the earth will most likely blow up. everyone on earth will perish. we’d never get the chance to witness the demise of the kardashians. guess it’s a good thing that matthew sherling’s gonna live forever.
a real good thing.
iv.matthew sherling’s phone rings. ‘hello’ he says. ‘sup matty’ says the person on the other line. ‘hi. who is this?’ says matthew.
‘this is god’ says god. ‘i’m tired of being god and am giving the job to you. good luck.’ god hangs up before matthew can decline the position.
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MATTHEW SHERLING: can you tell us where you live & one memory of yours from that place?
PETER BD: wish i could say but i’m anonymous and can’t say where i live. i guess a memory i think about a lot is when i fell down the stairs and hurt my leg. that memory sticks out.
MS: what draws you to anonymity? have you read Fernando Pessoa?
PBD: i don’t think i’m drawn to being anonymous. or maybe i am. i’m not sure. i think other people made me anonymous and i just rolled with it. there’s no turning back now i guess. i’ve read a couple of things by fernando pessoa. i enjoyed them and should probably read more of his stuff.MS: can you say a bit more abt how ‘other people made’ you anonymous?
PBD: well when i started emailing people, someone (maybe dj berndt) referred to me as the mysterious peterbd, beach sloth would write about my anonymity on his blog, some people (i.e. jackson nieuwland, elaine sun, james duncan) would post the emails they got from the mysterious peterd etc. i stuck with being anonymous after things like this happened.
MS: what is yr perception of alt lit?
PBD: http://naplitmag.com/iam.html
MS: what is yr favorite website & why?
PBD: does the Internet count as a website?
MS: favorite book & why?
PBD: i don’t think i’ve read enough books yet to choose a favorite. i’m currently reading ‘the corrections’ by johnathan franzen. i usually go to the library everyday to read it because i don’t have a library card and don’t want to get one because the library where i live has a pretty lame selection of books. i think i like reading this book because everyone in it is either unlikeable or fucked up in some way. i’ll probably read more of it at the library tomorrow if no one checked it out.
MS: what do you think abt the United States of America?
PBD: the united states has made lots of progress. i think obama should win the presidency for this progress to continue. i don’t think romney should win the presidency. if romney wins the presidency, that would fuck up the progress of the united states.
MS: where is the Internet taking us?
PBD: http://i.imgur.com/zCNH2.gif
MS: what is your perception of Tao Lin?
PBD: ‘seems good’.
MS: Steve Roggenbuck?
PBD: boost.
MS: who’s yr most favorite person in all of human history & why?
PBD: probably missy elliot. she inspired me to think out of the box.
MS: can you tell me one album that you can listen to straight through pleasurably?
PBD: i can listen to ‘back to black’ by amy winehouse straight through. there’s just something about that album that i relate to.
MS: if you cld wrap yr worldview up in one sentence, what wld it be?
PBD: get on gchat.
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FIND HIS EBOOK HERE: http://naplitmag.com/iam.html
HIS TUMBLR W/ STORIES: http://peterbd.tumblr.com/
